{"id":236,"date":"2015-02-28T21:01:06","date_gmt":"2015-02-28T21:01:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/kimberlychapman.com\/monkeyloo\/?p=236"},"modified":"2015-02-28T21:01:06","modified_gmt":"2015-02-28T21:01:06","slug":"i-guess-it-beats-crunchy-frog","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kimberlychapman.com\/monkeyloo\/2015\/02\/28\/i-guess-it-beats-crunchy-frog\/","title":{"rendered":"I Guess It Beats “Crunchy Frog”"},"content":{"rendered":"<\/g:plusone>

It’s well known that the UK has a dessert named “spotted dick” and that it’s funny. They know it<\/a>, I knew it growing up in Canada, and I’m pretty sure Americans and other English-speaking nations know it. It’s a joke so overdone that it’s fairly boring.<\/p>\n

But what I wasn’t prepared for was how weird other food and grocery store items would be here in the UK. I have posted before about Tesco offering strange substitutions<\/a> and I’m always glad when the bad substitutions they’ve brought me have never been a whole, loose octopus in lieu of walnut bread<\/a>. Truth be told I’m rather terrified to ever order walnut bread from Tesco given our family’s constant issues with sharknadoes<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Still, avoiding the sea-life-inducing nutty pastries hasn’t kept me safe from stumbling across all manner of weirdness on the Tesco site. For instance, they offer romantic drug pairings:<\/p>\n

\"Tesco<\/a>

I suppose it’s better than recommending a nice chianti to go with your fava beans and MAOIs<\/a>.<\/p><\/div>\n

They can only sell you two of them because UK law prevents non-pharmacies from selling larger quantities of over-the-counter drugs. Also, because allowing paracetamol-ibuprofen combo parties to rage all night long would be inappropriate in a nation that has historically been corked<\/a> to<\/a> the<\/a> gills<\/a> by a respectable bedtime.<\/p>\n

Then again, you might need multiple kinds of pain killers if you had to deal with jerks all day long and were required for some reason to glue them together:<\/p>\n

\"tesco<\/a>

Or maybe this is something we’re supposed to slather on Steve Martin?<\/p><\/div>\n

And yes of course I understand what it actually is. Just be glad I didn’t make a much more disgusting joke about it.<\/p>\n

Not that anyone could make a disgusting joke or three about putting toads in one’s holes on a daily basis:<\/p>\n

\"Tesco<\/a>

Don’t you value toads in your hole every day?<\/p><\/div>\n

Or even leaving such strangeness to your poor aunt:<\/p>\n

\"aunt<\/a>

Aunt Bessie is apparently looking for a reason to have an all-night paracetamol-ibuprofen party.<\/p><\/div>\n

No doubt there are Brits out there right now ready to rail at me about the deliciousness of “toad in the hole” and okay, fair enough, hot dogs on a bready base is probably quite tasty. I’ve been meaning to try making some, especially since our rental house here has no smoke alarms (!!!) so the whole bit about super-heating oil in a pan first at least won’t be as loud here as it would back in our Austin house.<\/p>\n

But sometimes when you’re browsing Tesco’s website you stumble across something even more disturbing than imagining your aunt with large amphibians in her orifices.<\/p>\n

Sometimes there’s this:<\/p>\n

\"Mr.<\/a><\/p>\n

* mic drop *<\/p>\n

\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s well known that the UK has a dessert named “spotted dick” and that it’s funny. They know it, I knew it growing up in Canada, and I’m pretty sure Americans and other English-speaking nations know it. It’s a joke so overdone that it’s fairly boring. But what I wasn’t prepared for was how weird … [Read more…]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,29,28,12,17,7],"tags":[],"class_list":["entry","post","publish","author-kimberlychapman","post-236","format-standard","category-england-is-weird","category-lost-in-translation","category-prevalence-of-python","category-sharknado","category-silly-shopping","category-what-the-actual-fuck"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kimberlychapman.com\/monkeyloo\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/236","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kimberlychapman.com\/monkeyloo\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kimberlychapman.com\/monkeyloo\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kimberlychapman.com\/monkeyloo\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kimberlychapman.com\/monkeyloo\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=236"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/kimberlychapman.com\/monkeyloo\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/236\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":260,"href":"https:\/\/kimberlychapman.com\/monkeyloo\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/236\/revisions\/260"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kimberlychapman.com\/monkeyloo\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=236"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kimberlychapman.com\/monkeyloo\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=236"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kimberlychapman.com\/monkeyloo\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=236"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}